Attack of the Headless Chickens

Last Saturday, Philippine time, my mother brought me along to attend a family cooking group. This cooking group is when female family members gather and share recipes, and make foods, and share gossips, and tips. She drags me along, ignoring my pleas, saying something about it is time to break me to it, whatever that means.

So for a couple of hours I sat on a sofa, or sometimes a dinning chair, watching them baked “Food for the Gods” and “Fruit Cakes”. Although it was not as boring as I first though, it was not something I would prefer to do on a daily basis. But being a good girl, I smiled and made conversation, and pretend I was interested in what they were doing (Don’t tell my mom!). The only thing I was genuinely interested, beside from some scandalous gossip, was how to make a ladies drink. I was even allowed to drink a glass of my own brew. Hee hee!

My aunt was of course impressed with me. But being nice backfired on my face. The next day, after Sunday mass, I was back with my mom in my aunt’s kitchen baking and cooking again. This time, I was not alone as my aunties brought their own daughters, my cousins, along with them. The worst part is my cousins blame me for them being there. It seems I made a good impression on my aunts that they decided to bring their daughters along. It was horrible! I was so embarrass that I felt like my cheek would burn off my face!

Fortunately, after a few smiles, jokes, some quick conversation, and some promise to go out with them for some family bonding; my cousins seems to have forgiven me or at least forgotten the whole event for the time being. Whoosh! I have never wish to leave a place like the way I want to leave that house before! Now, the only problem is how I could get out of some of those engagements. Some of my cousins finds scandalous things as fun, while others are not so picky on where they eat (One of my cousin sometime eat fishball from a sidewalk stand. Those things can be dirty, with all the dirt from the street and car fumes falling down on those fishballs!)

Anyway, even after all of this, that was not the most memorable thing I remember that Sunday morning. The most memorable thing is the attack of the headless chickens!

One of the food we were about to cook, the “Tinola”, needs some fresh chickens. Unfortunately for me and my cousins, the chickens were still alive. The elders told us to prepare the chickens so we can cook them. They group us in three.

None of us have ever killed a chicken before, but after a while and a flurry of discussion, we all agreed in a way to “prepare” the chickens. One person will hold a head of a chicken, while another will hold it’s body, and the last member will use a butcher’s knife and swing it on a chicken’s head to severe the head from the body.

I was one of those in-charges in swinging the butcher’s knife. We all went to our designated position and counted to three. At three, we all swung our knives together and severed the head of our chickens.

It was PANDEMONIUM! After the head was severed, everyone holding a chicken part immediately let go, and that was a big mistake. The chickens’ severed head lies on the table still moving, and the chickens’ headless bodies were jumping all over the room, spraying blood everywhere. Everyone run screaming and crying as the chickens jump at everyone and tainting everyone red. One of my cousins stood besides the table, wide-eyed, and obviously in shock. I and Naomi manage to pull her out of the room. Another one, Malou, tried to hide under the table but she did not stay there for long as a headless chicken seemingly chase her out. Before I left the room, along with Naomi and our tow, I saw a headless chicken jump out of the room, over a window, and into the street.

The elders came running. Worry and fear were painted on their faces. It did not take long and the subdivision security guards came running with their handguns drawn. Some were carrying shotguns.

It took a while for us to explain what happened and put order into the chaos that just happened. Fortunately, everyone took it all in good humor and everyone, but us cousins, laugh till they burst.

We gave our “Tinola” and a huge pot of rice, to the subdivision security guards for their steadfast arrival and doing their duty.